seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
