i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
