i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
