You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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