and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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