And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
