my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
