I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
