I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
