Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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