Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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