so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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