You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
