sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
