if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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