the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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