Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
