im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
