we're chasing vodka with high fives
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
