I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
