I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If that was your dad, he is hot
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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