I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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