She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
