How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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