like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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