Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
