It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
