Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
