I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
