Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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