My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
