haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think my moral compass just broke
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
