I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
