turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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