1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
