I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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