You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
