so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
