Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
