Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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