I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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