he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
