afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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