Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
