I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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