drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
