So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
