last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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