It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
