I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
